WRITINGS | Eliza Morrison

do you want to live
more human lives?

i’m thinking a lot about this question. do you want to do it all again? do you want to live more human lives? because for a long time i thought i did, i thought i would, and i lived by that, that idea that i would live more lives than this one now. but i think my answer has changed. this is my one life, this will be my one whole life. there is this feeling of finality and certainty that pushes me it’s a blessing and it is my wisdom and it’s my path away

gifts from god

Where the plants grow in spikes and the cold air stings i see couples and groups of friends and feel less alone. I smell perfumes and see colors and I love them. it used to be that if i came across a silver reflective ball i would look into it for hours. Maybe this is still true but I would spend less time looking at my own reflection and more time looking at the way it changes the way the world around me looks. it is something new. then i would look at the sky and a tear would fall down my cheek because I will never know what it is like to live in a cloud. i don’t believe in heaven anymore but I do believe in angels. there are more angels then We Know, look around at the people you love the most and you will Find them. they give you gifts and tea and talk with you. My name means gift from god and I used to hate that. I know I Shouldn’t say hate, I know, but lately when I go outside or read a good book i realize everything around me is a beautiful gift from god.

small fragile thing

and I hold you, you small fragile thing, in my cupped hands, I hold you up to my heart and transfer the red orange and pink heat of love into you, into your twisted arms, and your brittle bones and your cold black slow-beating heart. It hurts you, I know it does, but this is the only way I can help. I lift your lips up to mine and as I breathe in I breathe in peace, and as I breathe out I breathe out love. You twist and turn away from it. It hurts you l know but this world is so much more beautiful than you ever believed, come out of your black hole, you know you don't deserve it. Come out and feel. Cry your tears and breathe in the peace, come out and realize the wind does not burn through your skin, feel it as it passes you by on a beautiful mission We do not yet understand. I know you feel stuck and bitter but please remember that this too is a choice. Get over this stubbornness that lives inside you. I will make you tea and brush your hair and give you warm baths. Just hear me when I tell you it doesn't end here, it cannot end at your worst. It cannot end until you’ve touched every beautiful thing and held them in your cupped hands and breathed love into their hearts.

why I painted the bird silver

I met a girl the other day. She was quite tall, almost 7 feet as I watched her she grew. She was getting taller, but only by her neck. It twisted and turned, and it tied itself into a knot. It started turning blue until it completely detached from her body now she was almost a snake, just a neck and a head slithering on the ground. I was shocked and stepped back. Half a laugh fell out of my mouth due to the year absurdity of the situation. The second the laugh shot out from my throat. She made a quick turn and was looking directly at me. Her eyes looked as if they were made from pink crystals, and when I met her gaze, they shattered like glass. inside the sockets where her crystal eyes once were there were two little men curled up. I couldn’t move. I tried to speak, but nothing came out the tiny men grew wings from their back and flew up to me landing on my shoulders. They began to complement my hair, which made me blush. They told me in their odd way that if I could cut up one strawberry and put a pearl in the center of each cut, they will give me the most beautiful wings. Usually, I would’ve said no but today the seasons had changed and the sun shined like it did when I was six, so I agreed I picked up a wild strawberry off the ground and took off my pearl earrings. I placed the pearls into the cut strawberries and the two little men began to dance around them. It was sort of sweet. I noticed myself growing pink scales on my arms and felt two wings erupt out of my back. I flew up into the sky and observed the world below me. I thought about all the fingers that ever seen and all the hands that i ever touched. This thought made me so happy I began to paint a bird silver.

my body changes

i looked down and saw my feet enlarge and my legs buckled and widened, i knew i was melting. my skin bubbled and boiled like water in a kettle. i looked around sure it would be the last time. the ground was pink and plastic the bushes purple and crystal like. i was now a puddle. i wept and wept until a creature made of pure light flew and lifted me up. it stretched me out until i was back in my original form. yet now it was different. my bones were rubber and i twisted around myself and formed five flesh circles out of my neck arms torso and legs. i pulled my teeth down to my feet on each side of my body until i fully consumed myself. i sat their posed like a venus fly trap. a butterfly flew by and a passerby passed by and i begged, please please come make a home out of me but it was to no avail. i snapped my mouth shut and swayed with the winds. a small girl appeared to me in a blue liquid below my feet. i watched my toenails grow and for a minute i had no legs no hair no teeth and no blood. i wondered who i was now. i wondered who i would be if i had no past. i stood there in all my nothingness and thought deep and hard. it made me so sad until i remembered i could grow my teeth hair legs and blood back. and so i did. and so i bled. i bled and bled and bled. the girl in the liquid was terribly haunted. she locked eyes with me very suddenly and in a tone of deep urgency said “come on, come on , you must follow me” so i did. i jumped into her world and followed her through the rocks that left cuts and bruises on my tender and moldable body.

hard to satisfy

i saw him look at me through the grass he had yellow eyes that bulged out of his face and a large mouth with teeth that were long and rectangular. he spoke to me in a low slow gravely voice “the babies are at the table they are ready for their tea” i turned around and saw three babies with old faces. their faces were so old that their skin sagged and layed down on the table then dragged across the floor and as i looked down i saw i was standing on one of their chins. pardon i said the babies grimiced and sighed. “pour us our tea… now please…” i walked over the kettle and attempred to pour a cup. the second i picked up the kettle it jumped up and started barking like a dog it ran around the room barking and spilling tea all over. the babies were deeply displeased. dont make us tell father they groaned. “NO!!! NOT HIM!”said the odd man with eyes of yellow. he trembled in fear as he countined hiding behind the grass that was growing on the other side of the long room. i picked up a new keytle and began to boil some water. the water began to sway every which way and refused to get into the kettle. i sighed with frustration. i shrunk to the size of a large mouse (or a small rat) and began picking up chunks of the floor and throwing them at the eratic kettle who was running laps doen the long hallway.

one hundred wasted evenings

and yet again i am an impulsive amphibian. i take an egg and crush it between my two cupped hands and feel the yolk run down my arms, i walk down the same road 100 times in a row, each time with a new emotion. maybe you're right. maybe i am tired of my breasts so i cut them off with a butter knife and they flutter to the floor like a pair of butterfly wings. 100 cars rush past me at 100 miles an hour 100 people sit in the 100 cars and they all have lived 100 lives and none of them know my story, i float into the air and fly above them all. i hum a soft tune and screech like a bird and scream like a woman. i look at the daisy field below me. small drops of blood rested upon the petals of each white flower. i reflected because i would like to say it didn't change me but i am a new woman now and i will never be that girl again. i watch the tall white monster with big bulging yellow eyes sit in his cave. i watch him as his teeth fall out, and i watch him as his skin wrinkles and i watch him as he shrinks to the size of a little boy, i realize i have wasted an evening. i'm not the same but i tell myself i haven't changed. i perch atop a power line and scream into the darkness.